Happy Valentine's Day

The rose is red, the violet's blue
The honey's sweet, and so are you
Thou are my love and I am thine
I drew thee to my Valentine
The lot was cast and then I drew
And Fortune said it shou'd be you

                                -The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes (Oxford University Press, 1951)

Jenny Lewis plays ‘You are What you Love’ on my iPhone as I read the history of St. Valentine’s Day, as best it can be pieced together by the mishmash of authors on Wikpedia.com.  The holiday has a history that reaches back farther than any recorded evidence thereof, and has roots as far back as the 3^rd century AD, when saints by the name of Valentine (of which there were many) were martyred for political reasons. The legend that makes the most sense as the root of the holiday involves Emperor Claudius II of Rome (who shares a birthday with my nephew Manuel). Claudius II personally executed a Valentine, purportedly for marrying young military men when Claudius had decreed that all soldiers were to be single, to keep the distractions from war to a minimum. Valentine supposedly married them to their sweethearts nevertheless. Of course, these stories originate with Chaucer in the 14^th century, and are not terribly reliable.

Whatever the actual history, Valentines have been exchanged for centuries, since the holiday was made popular in 469 AD, even though it was removed from the church calendar in 1969. In Elementary School, it is now compulsory, requiring the children to be fair to one another, one valentine to each child from each child, and the main reason to look forward to it is the candy involved, as an Elementary School holiday. There is no palpitation of the heart when opening the bag of Valentines to see who truly loves you, or comparison of those received slips of Hallmark wonder to determine whose popularity is greatest. Once again, our children are protected from the real world in a democratic, self-esteem building farce.

When I was a child, there was pride in the number of Valentines, just as there were crushed spirits to accompany the empty bag for those least popular children. It was painful and cruel just as much as it was endearing and beautiful. As an adult, I am well used to the crushing side of Valentine’s Day, though I am personally invested in a fantastic relationship. For some of us, the history of crushing pain and loneliness is attached to the day forever. I do find it interesting that a holiday that has made itself a celebration of intimate relationship can have such power to depress people. Everywhere I see and hear people in revolt, rebelling against what has become the silliest holiday in Hallmark’s calendar, as if there is an invisible hand sticking a middle finger in peoples’ faces by its very existence.

I wish for all of you a happy Valentine’s Day, free from the inherent loneliness and the history of anguish implied. I myself intend to celebrate with my husband with dinner and a movie, much like any other date night throughout the year. My celebration is more based on the fact that it is the anniversary of the day Adam proposed to me. He is and will always be my martyred saint.