Doubt

I love you
- I think
I need you
- I think
I want you beside me
I can't live without you
I need you to hold me
- I think

You're the only one
-I think
You're all I'll ever need
-I think
My heart is fulfilled
My life is completed
My mind is consumed
- I think

Bits of Beauty

Life continues as it is
Bending, changing for no one.
Life is a constant challenge
To smile, to laugh, to live...
Every once in a very long while
A moment of beauty displays itself
With no effort from any one
But most of the time
It takes all you have
Power, strength, and wisdom together
To hold the moments of beauty

Idealism (God and his vanity drawer)

Craving the normality I strictly avoid,
I walk through the world with the bodiless voices
Of those in my life who have fought the same fight;
Parents and cousins who fought to become
The people they were, above and beyond
The outlines and ideals of body and spirit.

Life calls us all to become what we can
Nothing can stop us save our limited minds.
The world that awaits is perfection and love
Some people call it the Kingdom of Heaven
I try to believe its the future of Earth.

Enlightenment, morals, knowledge and peace
Combine to ensure the fellowship of man
Together, linked, we carry our weight
All of our spirits commune beyond words
We find a new spirit
Create a new God

Lost, One Soul - by Sandy McIntosh

I lost my soul in a fit of temper
I threw it at somebody's head
and slammed out
without a second thought

      Then I dumped it in a wastebin 

      along with a love I said I was finished with

I sandpapered my spitit

with a million

bitter barbs

and sent it into orbit

and substituted

guilt instead

      My soul went cold

      with memories of old friends and kin

      who never expected

      to be neglected

      and resolutions

      I'd eluded

Then one day I went to feed it 

and it was gone

and now I hear it howling

in the wind outside

in the nights

in the hills

        and I get the chills inside

and hide in something that's not important

and it's four in the morning before I can get warm enough

to weep enough

to fall asleep

The Peoples' History of Erika

Friends, Romans, Countrymen….Lend me your ears!

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."- Kurt Vonnegut

My name is Erika, and, since I look out through these eyes, one might assume that I know something about the person who is known by this name. I hate to disappoint you, but I think I may be the least qualified to explain myself, since “Erika” is a composite of perceptions, of visions and assumptions made by the rest of the world- including everyone here today. Congratulations, at the moment, your versions of me are being added to what I affectionately refer to as the Nation of Erika.

I have never been fond of labels like American, Jew, or Psychotic, each of which has applied to me in a different time of my life to differing degrees. Hundreds of thousands of me exist in here, held together loosely and ruled by a Platonic philosopher king lurking behind my eyes, or in my soul- this is the national spirit that defies description in normal terms.

My national origins are humble- from a rural farming village that could have existed in the beginning of agriculture and animal husbandry like the Greek nation-states of 1500BCE. Before any written definition of the nation, there were cows and cats, dogs and apple trees that needed someone to care for them by an almost Biblical imperative. At the time, the nation was small- peopled only by the perceptions created by family- my sister, my mother, and, of course, the cows. In this fabled, almost mythological time, there were mermaids in lagoons and elves who prepared scenery for the gods to play in, aliens who came from light-years away to be blessed and taught by the nation of Erika.

Despite this golden age, no nation can prevail without strife, and there were conflicts aplenty with other nation-states in the form of the dreaded Public School, where I became a villain to some, an idol to others, and the population of Erika began to grow. Conflicts with other nation-states re-wrote the constitution, building in exclusions and definitions that didn’t previously exist. On the first day of Kindergarten, as the story goes, Erika decreed: “I don’t know what popular is, but I am going to be it.” How’s that for a goal of Empire?

As population grows, as any Political Science major can tell you, so does the possibility of revolt. College came- with the ecstasy of recreation- a renaissance of a kind that can uproot all cultural conventions. The population began to split into differing religious groups, warmongers and peaceniks, owners and slaves- personalities that no longer seemed to have anything to do with one another. Versions of Erika were caught in rebellious action against the dictatorship, and punished to the full extent of the law.

Walking down the street in Boston one day in 1996, the riffraff of the nation staged a coup against the established monarchy of Erika. The fleeting perceptions of passersby opened fire on the nation as a whole, crucifying the powers that had been in control, and throwing off the crucial processes of government in the process- like thought, emotion, and self-preservation. I found myself suddenly identifying with a rebel against my own mind, which had been formed on misunderstandings and false premises- wanting to defect from myself- staring at the cars that sped by beneath the overpass and wondering if their passing perceptions of me were as valid as my own.  

The aftermath was a long rebuilding of priorities. As a result, I can choose to disregard your version of me- or yours- if it does not fit with my own definitions. I suppose it can be considered a version of ethnic cleansing, and I could be liable under the Geneva Convention.

Finally, the hierarchy is settling into place as an oligarchy, or rule of the few. Priorities have placed the perspective of the inner mind on even ground with the perceptions of close family and friends. Though disagreements still plague the nation, as they do every relationship in human life, there is a rough balance, encouraged by modern medication and a lot of laughter.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" - Marilyn Monroe

Happy Birthday to Me

Another year older and deeper in debt.

If birthdays were about the numbers, I would have deserted them a decade ago. I cannot imagine celebrating a change in numbers on a calendar and the inevitable path toward decrepit bodies and death. Despite that, birthdays are my favorite holidays.

Perhaps it’s my self-centered narcissism (if you will excuse a little redundancy), but I believe that my birthday is the most important holiday in the year. I don’t mean only my birthday, though mine takes precedence over others in my reality because of my perspective on the world at large- I see through my own eyes and only experience my own thoughts… A birthday is the only holiday that celebrates the Self- that spark of energy so far beyond observable reality that Descartes had trouble distinguishing whether “reality” is as real as its name implies.

If you believe that humanity is gifted with a soul for each body, then each of us has a spark (some call it a soul) that makes us human or connects us with a divine spirit (or Brahman), depending on your religious preferences and definitions- or lack thereof. Perhaps like snowflakes, we are each patterned slightly differently, never to be imitated in the whole of history, or perhaps we are recycled through multiple existences on a quest for truth and nirvana; nevertheless, this spark is worthy of celebration. We each have a different method of making connections in the brain, of determining what is important in a situation, and each of us can create something alien to all others.

This individuality is what I celebrate on January 27^th. This potential to create something completely new and to discover or communicate truth in a new way that will inspire the continuation of human progress is the meaning of life for me- and the best reason for celebration!

Do you take advantage of the opportunities to change your perspectives and see the world in new ways? Is your ability to make causal connections between events enough to inspire a brand new thought or idea?

Atheist 10 Commandments

These commandments were developed by Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller fame):

1. The highest ideals are human intelligence, creativity and love. Respect these above all.

2. Do not put things or even ideas above other human beings. (Let's scream at each other about Kindle versus iPad, solar versus nuclear, Republican versus Libertarian, Garth Brooks versus Sun Ra— but when your house is on fire, I'll be there to help.)

3. Say what you mean, even when talking to yourself. (What used to be an oath to (G)od is now quite simply respecting yourself.)

4. Put aside some time to rest and think. (If you're religious, that might be the Sabbath; if you're a Vegas magician, that'll be the day with the lowest grosses.)

5. Be there for your family. Love your parents, your partner, and your children. (Love is deeper than honor, and parents matter, but so do spouse and children.)

6. Respect and protect all human life. (Many believe that "Thou shalt not kill" only refers to people in the same tribe. I say it's all human life.)

7. Keep your promises. (If you can't be sexually exclusive to your spouse, don't make that deal.)

8. Don't steal. (This includes magic tricks and jokes — you know who you are!)

9. Don't lie. (You know, unless you're doing magic tricks and it's part of your job. Does that make it OK for politicians, too?)

10. Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.

Do these cover the ethical implications of the religious 10 commandments? What is missing?